Come along on a deeply personal journey with me, Karalee, as I bare all about my struggles with motivation. Having wrestled with this thing for a long time, and as a parent to a neurodivergent child, I understand the struggle of finding the drive to complete tasks. But what if I told you that motivation isn't just stumbled upon, but consciously created? Let's unravel together the power of posing the right questions to expose the root cause of our lack of motivation, and the magic of working backwards from our envisioned outcome to unearth the first step towards action.
In the second part of our journey, we steer towards the action-driven path of achieving goals. I'll share my thoughts on the significance of visioning our desired outcomes, monitoring progress, and cheering every small win along the way. We also underline the importance of having a mentor who can ask sharp questions and help us bring to the surface the answers within us. As we venture into unlocking our potential, we shine a light on the steps required to reach our desired outcomes and how asking the right questions can lead to motivation, encouragement, and empowerment. By the end, you'll be armed with practical tips and valuable insights on how to find and create motivation, ready to tackle any challenge.
Come along on a deeply personal journey with me, Karalee, as I bare all about my struggles with motivation. Having wrestled with this thing for a long time, and as a parent to a neurodivergent child, I understand the struggle of finding the drive to complete tasks. But what if I told you that motivation isn't just stumbled upon, but consciously created? Let's unravel together the power of posing the right questions to expose the root cause of our lack of motivation, and the magic of working backwards from our envisioned outcome to unearth the first step towards action.
In the second part of our journey, we steer towards the action-driven path of achieving goals. I'll share my thoughts on the significance of visioning our desired outcomes, monitoring progress, and cheering every small win along the way. We also underline the importance of having a mentor who can ask sharp questions and help us bring to the surface the answers within us. As we venture into unlocking our potential, we shine a light on the steps required to reach our desired outcomes and how asking the right questions can lead to motivation, encouragement, and empowerment. By the end, you'll be armed with practical tips and valuable insights on how to find and create motivation, ready to tackle any challenge.
Hello, hello, amazing humans, welcome back to Neuron Divergent Bites. I am your host, cara Lee. Today I'm going to be talking about motivation, okay, motivation, and that's because the words or the phrase I have no motivation, because that has come up in my house as much as a toddler goes mom mom, mom, mom. Okay, so we need to talk about motivation today, all right. So when it comes to motivation, most of the times, as a neurodivergent human, motivation does not remotely come easily, and it's hard or impossible, given executive functioning, to force per se yourself to do things. And so this conversation came up in a very interesting way today and I thought it would be really great to share this with you. And so one of the things that I've learned over I mean my whole life, but like the last year, since my biggest, biggest transformation has taken place over the last year is that you don't just get motivation, you can't just force motivation, but you can create motivation Okay, with intentionality and so many other things that I'm going to be talking about today. And so I was having a conversation with one of my kids and I was like I need you to like clean your room, right, if you're a mom or you are a parent in general, like and you like, we want your kids to clean your room and their neurodivergent as well. You might have ran across the constant pushback of is I still have any motivation to do it? And, depending on how you parent will depend on what their response is and what your response is. I take more of an intentional, laid back, gentle parenting type of approach and so I am like okay, well, why don't you have any motivation, right? And they couldn't respond to why they didn't. They just like I just don't. And because of that I was like okay, well, we got to dig farther. If you've listened to any episodes before this, I say quite often you have to ask the right questions, you have to dig deep to find the real cause of why you're not motivated, why you can't get started on something. Why, why is it not happening? Okay? And so today I was able to walk them through figuring out what we could do to get them quote unquote motivated to clean their room and to do other things around the house and whatnot, because this has been a prolonged problem and because of that we knew it wasn't going anywhere, so we needed to really get down to okay, what's the next thing we can try to be able to see how we can get you motivated.
Speaker 1:
It's the same thing with systems. Sometimes there's certain systems that you try and they just don't really pan out. But you've given them time, but you're like, yeah, this isn't going to work for me, so you switch to the next one. Right, it's the same thing when it comes to this type of motivation, at least in my opinion. So if executive functioning is something that you struggle with greatly or more consistently, this might be more difficult. Okay, executive functioning is not something that I struggle with severely, although I would say that I know a lot of people that this does, and so, with that said, though, I encourage you to try this out, all right.
Speaker 1:
So when you are thinking of motivation this is something that has stuck with me, I heard it and it has stuck with me and I've, like, thought it over and it's you don't just get motivation and to take the action. Okay, you get motivation from taking action. Most of us think, as I'm, when I get the motivation, then I'm going to take the action, but in reality, it's when you take the action, then you're going to have the motivation to keep going. So the real deep thing here isn't when I get the motivation I'm going to take the action. It is what is preventing me from taking action right now, that very first step. More than likely, it's because there's five million pieces in this realm here that you're trying to do, so you're getting overwhelmed. You know analysis process. You're like well, what do I do next? Things like that.
Speaker 1:
So really, what I want you to do is what is your big desired outcome? I use desired outcome instead of goals. Okay, so what is your desired outcome for this thing that you're needing motivation for, for this thing you need to take action on? You could probably think of many things in your life where this would come into play, but you can also think of it as a generalized sort of thing Like what do you just need in your life period to take action? Right, Motivation is a component, but I feel like motivation is actually the thing to get, continue, like to have you continue moving, not necessarily get you started, and I've learned that from experience and talking to so many other people.
Speaker 1:
So what I'm encouraging you to do here is is I want you to come out with your desired goal or desired outcome, which is a goal. Alright, watch every way you want to look at it. And when you come up with that desired outcome, I want you to then go. What will? What is the first step? Alright, my brain automatically maps everything out. As a strategist, okay, I can, I can think things through really, really fast to map them out. I can even put them into action, meaning like make them all visual and lists and organized and all those things. But that might not be your specialty, but if you need some support with that, that is a specialty of mine. Right, so we're able to take all of those. You take your desired outcome and you work backwards. So this is where I want to go, this is where I am. What's all in the middle? Alright, when you figure out what's all in the middle, you're able to then go all the way back to the beginning part. What's your first step? And if you're like, okay, my brain doesn't work that way, okay, think, this is where I want to go, what is my first step? And you can work from the beginning to that desired outcome. Either way is just fine, you're gonna get the exact same result. Just depends on how your brain processes information. Okay, so, but the end goal is going to be to have that first step, alright.
Speaker 1:
So, for example, when I said I was talking to one of my kids, it was to get them to clean their room, so I walked them through a few questions and we figured out why they couldn't take the action. Right, because I already told them that it wasn't the motivation that you needed. It was the actual action that we needed to actually address, because motivation will come naturally after we get to the real root cause of what's causing the inaction. Okay, so we ended up realizing all the way down, deep, deep, deep, that there the room itself didn't feel good and comforting and like a really good atmosphere to just be in, and so there was no desire to clean it because they didn't see a reason. I can see that.
Speaker 1:
I think back to my childhood. You know, I'm like I don't really like being in here anyway, so why clean it up? Like I'm the only one in here. What's the problem? Right? And so, as an apparent now, I'm like I feel for all these parents out here. I feel for my parents and you know all the things, because I'm like, oh my gosh, I get it now. Yeah, there's so many things when you become a parent, what you realize.
Speaker 1:
But we were able to realize that was the real core thing Is that there was no motivation and there was no action because they didn't have that desired outcome, because that desired outcome that we actually ended up figuring out didn't exist in their head, because they didn't think it would ever be possible, like it could be a thing. And so what we did is that because, like I said, my brain will map all these things out we started with they wanted their dream room. They needed it to feel good and more grown up and just better. They just had this vision. They didn't actually have the vision, they just knew that they didn't like it. And I kind of talked them through, like where are we bringing up this vision? Okay, because we need to have something that we are striving to.
Speaker 1:
So I gave them my Amazon account that might have been a mistake, I don't know and I said I created a list in there and I said dream room, all right. And because I put dream room on there, I said I need you to go through Amazon, don't worry about prices, nothing like that. I just want you to get a feel for, visually, what you want this dream room to look like and I want you to put it, I want you to add it all to that list I said, and then in the end, we're gonna figure out exactly how you can make that happen. But we have to have the vision first. Where do we wanna go? Right, because then we gotta go. Okay, this is what I want.
Speaker 1:
What's it gonna cost me? What am I gonna have to do to either make that money or to take that action Right Now? What am I gonna have to do? And then you can brainstorm ways on that. And then, after you've realized that, you're like okay, now, how am I gonna track it? Because I have to be able to track it. Am I bringing in enough money? Am I doing enough of the things? Like, am I seeing results? Right, depending on what you're needing motivation and taking action on. And as soon as you start seeing the traction and you start in your reminded with the pretty visuals right, because we are gonna turn it into a vision board as well, dream room vision board right, and you're gonna be reminded of this is why I'm doing what I am doing and that is what is gonna give you more motivation to continue doing it. Okay, obviously other people being in there cheering you on and doing the things. That's also going to help you be more motivated and it's gonna help you take more action.
Speaker 1:
Not like cause you want to, not because you're fearing it, like you fear if you don't they're gonna whatever. Like insert what you think, none of that, like we should have none of that, but like do you see how this whole thing can come together? I'm teaching my kids this right now because there is always something deeper than what you can see in the surface and it sometimes it takes either you getting super intentional with, like, reading personal development books, with getting advice from different people that are where you wanna be, someone like me that's really good at asking the questions. I always say like everyone answers their own questions because all the answers are inside of them. I just make them basically come up like a puzzle.
Speaker 1:
When you first start it, it's all in the box all mixed together. So most of the time people start with sorting them out by these are the edge pieces and these are the middle pieces, and then you put all the edge pieces together. Those are the big questions, like the more surface layer questions. That's where we start and we start putting one piece together, one question after another and we keep going and then, when the outer layer has been put together, those more top level questions have been answered, then you start digging into it. So those outer questions are also gonna include that desired outcome in this scenario and it's gonna involve like where, how you are right now. So it's like the outside right, and we're filling in the inside with all of the pieces, because then all those pieces inside are all of those little, tiny, bite size, action, steps and things that you have to do to get from where you are to your desired outcome.
Speaker 1:
Okay, so these are all the questions and we dig deep, we pull them out and when you have someone that you trust and has your best interests and really just gets you, you're able to then ask those questions really pointedly. I can do this with complete strangers too, and be able to really have them pull out, as long as they're open to it. Right, pull out what is actually in there. We need to work together to do all of these things. Okay, the action is going to come more than likely before the motivation.
Speaker 1:
And as soon as you take that perspective, switch, that mindset shift, then that is when, for me, I was able to really go. Oh my gosh. I've been trying to say how do I get more motivation to do the things I was asking myself. The wrong question it was how do I get myself, what do I have to do just to get started, to take that one action step, that very first one? And then I get to celebrate that first one, because I understood that it took a lot for me to take that first step. I'm gonna celebrate it and I'm gonna be excited and I'm gonna share it with the people that actually care about it and they're gonna be excited for you. And then you're gonna have all of those good feelings and you'll be like I can do this, I can take that next step.
Speaker 1:
And before you know it, right, you're in. You're in this and you're already halfway done with this puzzle. You don't even realize you've been working on because you were so excited and you were celebrating and you were motivated and you were taking the steps. You're surrounding yourself with good, positive people that are cheering you on and suddenly you get to that desired outcome at the end and the whole puzzle comes together. Now who gets freaking excited after they've put a difficult puzzle together?
Speaker 1:
Right, normally it takes more than one setting right. You had to break it up. Sometimes it gets messed up in the middle because you left it out and your cat got it right and you gotta redo it a little bit or pivot a little bit, right. That's what happens when you're working from where you are to getting to your desired outcome right. Things might change and we have to be flexible with it and we have to give ourself grace and we have to go. But why am I doing this? Why am I continuing to take this action? Why do I need to continue with this motivation and doing the things that I know are gonna give me that motivation and allow me to take these actions? It's because that desired outcome needs to be so specific and mean something so very much to you that you keep freaking going all right.
Speaker 1:
So I used a lot of different ways of explaining this, and that is because I am great at explaining things the exact same thing in about five different ways. I think I shared this on another episode, where I can explain how to do a math problem in five different ways, because that's what I grew up with. I had to help different people with math and I had to learn how to explain it multiple ways. When the first way didn't work, okay, the first way doesn't quite get it, okay, let's move to this next one and we try it again. Same thing with when we are creating all of these action steps, same things when we're creating these systems. Just because it doesn't work the first time does not mean anything about yourself. It means you didn't find the right thing for you. That is all plain and simple. And you go okay, I learned something, and it doesn't work right now for me, at this time in my life, doesn't mean it won't work in the future. Right, we learn something. And then we get to sit down and we go okay, what do we do next? What is that next step? What is that next thing that is gonna get me closer to that desired outcome Without disrupting all of those things that mean a lot to you? Right, we want to make sure that we're living more so in our comfort zone.
Speaker 1:
If you haven't read the book comfort zone it's by Kristen, something I cannot remember, but I'll put it in the show notes here. That's where you can get it. But it has been a game-changer book for me. I was, it was recommended to me from one of my mentors and I'm not even, as I'm recording this, actually done with the whole thing, but I literally saw my entire life unfolding at different aspects as I thought back from my past Into my past and then I started, and then you also look into your future and I was like, omg, I have come so far. I've come so far, all right. So if you haven't read that book, I totally recommend it. You can grab it below.
Speaker 1:
Like I said, and I'm like so many things, action Sometimes will come before the motivation. When we take the action and we celebrate the action After we dug really deep to try to figure out why we don't know why we are not able to take the action yet, right, then we're gonna be able to Get to actually having the motivation more naturally and keeping going. And when we, you know, surround ourselves to the right people and in all the things we feel really good in alignment with, with our time and our energy and all the things, magic happens. Okay, magic happens and I really, really want to experience this. I want you to experience this. So If you're sitting here, you're like, oh man, this would be really really great To just chat with you. All right, I'm encouraging you to head to the show notes and and go ahead and send me a DM on the platform of your choice that is listed below, and I want to talk to you.
Speaker 1:
I want to ask you some pointed questions. If you're like, I can't seem to get myself to do this one thing and we're gonna have a chat, all right, we're gonna have a chat in the DMs, no strings attached, but I want you to see the things that we can pull out. When we are able to really get down to the things that are really really holding us back, we're able to do it in a much more relaxed atmosphere. Like I said, I can do this with people I've never met. It's obviously a little easier for me when I have met them because I kind of I know you a little bit more, but it doesn't matter if you don't know me.
Speaker 1:
Well, I mean, I want you to feel good about it right after you've listened to this. I want you to reach out. I want you to ask that question. I can't seem to Insert what you need to do, or I have this really big goal and I have no idea how to get there right. I have this big desired outcome and I don't know how I'm gonna get there, we're gonna, and I can't seem to get the first step in place to even try to get there. Right, I want you to send me a DM, because I know obligation. I just want to chat with you, I know. All right, this lights up my soul Because there is so many of us not taking the action that we need to take.
Speaker 1:
And once you finally put all the Read, the pieces together and you realize why and you take the action to fix that, why that's when things like I said, it's like it's magic, because you're suddenly like, oh, I can do this now and I can do this now because you figured out the root of it. You figured out one thing and then you finally start believing in yourself even more and you start unlocking even more. And then, if you're around me long enough, you start asking yourself the right questions, because you hear me ask you them all the time. My kids can ask me the questions that I ask them, okay, so stick around. If you haven't subscribed to this podcast, I talk about stuff like this all the time. I would love for you to get even more of this. Like I said, send me a DM. That's chat I want you to get started on that first action step, especially if you're not motivated and you're like I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1:
I want to support you in that. All right, but you have to take the step. You have to take that first step and you have to reach out to me. You don't really need motivation, so no obligation, right? So take that first action step. That is your action step.
Speaker 1:
Today, everyone has something they can't seem to take action on. All right, flood my DMs with these. I need support with Taking this step. I don't know what I or. I don't know what this step is. All right, I want to get here, but I don't know what the step is. I don't have the motivation To take this action step, to take this first step.
Speaker 1:
What do I do Like? Can we, can we check this out? All right, take this time To get what you need here, because it could be the one question I ask or this year is a questions I asked. It's gonna unlock Something that's gonna be so massive, that's going to allow you to have so much motivation, encouragement and empowerment to take that first step and that next step in the next step and suddenly you're not even gonna know what happened and you got to that desired outcome. All right, that is my hope for you. All right, have an amazing day. I know this was a deep episode. I'm feeling very empowered today to share all of this and, like I said, I'm gonna talk to you more in the DMs. Bye for now.
